Shopaholic Social Worker

NEW BLOG

2010-05-26T21:31:00.001-05:00

For real this time... a new blog!

Jen in Maine - jeninmaine.blogspot.com

Come follow me! We are moving to Maine!!!!

Time for some changes...

2010-05-09T23:18:00.000-05:00

Hi strangers! I wouldn't be surprised if I was talking to empty air because it has been ages since I've blogged or commented or anything of the sort. It got too overwhelming, I was getting on my reader and having 1000+ unread posts. While I love reading I don't have the time for that! Being the OCD person I am it was all or nothing for me, I guess.

After a few (or a lot of) months off... I've realized that I really truly miss blogging. Everything about it, the community, the inspiration from you all, the outlet for my thoughts and emotions.

I'm trying to figure out a way to start blogging again in a positive way without it becoming more of a stress or obligation than anything.

I'd like to start with a new blog name and url... something that's more "me", a little deeper than "Shopaholic Social Worker".

I'll keep y'all posted on the locale of the new, more relaxed, blog!

Against the Wind

2010-01-01T21:49:00.000-06:00

It's been forever, yet again. And yet again, I've missed blogging and I've missed all of you. You know how sometimes life just kicks you in the ass? Bob Seger's "Against the Wind"... definitely theme song for my life right now.

I haven't talked a lot about my job on here because my job is allll about confidentiality. I'm a therapist. I honestly can't imagine doing anything else with my life, at least for now... it's perfect for who I feel like I am and what I want to do with my life. I want to help people realize that even when it seems like there is no hope, they can find the strength they need within themselves. Sometimes the only thing we can control in life is our self, our own path.

This might seem really random after I've been gone so long, but I promise it's relevant. Since work has literally taken over my life! I needed to remind myself why I do it... because when I get overwhelmed with the paperwork side of things... I sometimes forget.

So that's where I am. Overwhelmed, swimming in a sea of paperwork, laundry, bills, school loans... the list goes on and I know y'all have probably all been here. I just feel like my life is in a serious routine mode, goes a little something like this:

-alarm goes off, roll out of bed after some serious grumbling

-drive to work in a half-sleeping haze

-work anywhere from 10 to 12 hours

-gym

-cook dinner

-clean

-laundry

-sleep

-....and repeat

So how do I break the cycle?? I feel like I don't have the time, energy, or resources to spice up my life! How have you been my sweets?

Don't you forget about me...

2009-11-23T18:47:00.001-06:00

Blog world? Are you still there? I'm endlessly sorry I left you for so long...

Life has been, to put it lightly, absolutely insane. It's been over a month since I posted or even commented on anyone's blog. I promise I've still been reading, I couldn't stay away from you pretty ladies and your beautiful/hilarious/honest blogs.

I want so badly to catch you all up on what's been happening, even though I know it would take lit-rally forevs. I've missed sharing things with you all, but honestly, I just couldn't.

If I'm going to be honest... I sank into a deep, deep, deep depression... It's mostly gone now. But I was so far gone I honestly think I lost my self for a few weeks. I wanted to talk about it here, because this place is my outlet, and I knew you would all be supportive of me. I wasn't ready. I'll share it with you piece by piece, eventually... I'm still sorting through it all in my head.

ADE is back and I'm very happy about it. The events leading up to our reconciliation are dramatic and packed full of emotions. I learned a lot in the past 2 months, a lot that I want to share here, not only so I'll always remember but also so maybe, on the chance that someone reading this has gone through the same thing, someone can learn from my experiences. Or at least so that someone can feel not quite so alone.

Just so you know, I didn't take him back lightly. I promise I'll explain more... I just want to do it justice and I have to process some more before I can do that.

Just know that I truly missed this beautiful blogosphere and I'm back for good! I could never stay away from it and you forever...

love, jen

all images via {weheartit}

Barn Girl

2009-10-13T21:48:00.000-05:00

I'm writing this at work, even though I can't actually post on my blog at work. I wouldn't want co-workers, or worse, my boss, to find this blog. THAT would be embarassing! Anyhow, I am done with my work for today and there are still 3 whole hours left of the day. I'm quite tempted to sneak out now and go take a nap, but I sha'nt!

I met ADE for lunch today. It was neither here nor there. He wants us to get back together, but he can't right now. I'm almost to the point of not caring. I said almost. Why does love come so quickly and then refuse to go away just as fast?

Oh, something interesting did happen though. One of his random ex-bang-buddies came into where we were eating. We call her "barn girl" because they did it a couple of times in his grandparents' barn. He moved from where he was sitting by me to the seat across from me (so she wouldn't see him) and whispered "Oh God, it's Barn Girl". Talk about ruining a girl's lunch. For the rest of the time all I could think about was the two of them banging in a barn. Blech. She was decent-looking, small frame, but not the prettiest face (come on, don't we all get a little judgey when it comes to those who went before us?) She sure took her sweet ass time orderin' her italian meatball sub. Double Blech. I can't get the image of him with her out of my head.

Moving on... his fall break is this weekend (so he has a 4-day weekend) and he said we could possibly spend some time together. I've decided if he can't make time for me this weekend I am going to stop trying. I refuse to be the only person in this relationship (or whatever it is) who is actually putting forth an effort.

This day is terrible. Tomorrow will be better, because I said so.

Bob... the new love of my life!

2009-10-09T20:19:00.000-05:00

Aha, y'all's comments on my last post absolutely cracked me up! It was nice to hear that I'm not the only one in this position/who has been here before.

Many of you suggested a battery-operated boyfriend (or as I fondly call it- a "Bob"). Ladies, trust me when I say I've got one. Make that two. They are very helpful in times like these ;)

Thankfully I've got a different kind of distraction to take my mind off *ahem* things. My sweet lil sis, Blondie, is a Sr. in high school and her homecoming is tomorrow. So in the morning I'm making the 3 hour drive back home and spending the day helping her get ready, taking pictures, and then enjoying some time in a "real" city with real malls and real restaurants and my real best friends.

I can. not. wait.

I'll be back Sunday and look forward to hearing about all of your fantastic weekends! Hopefully I'll have some pictures to share, I haven't done a lot of that on here, but I think we're at that point in our relationship! :)

Lots of love for my ladies,
Jen

ps - not a lot to report on the ADE sitch. He said he wants us to have a future, but needs it to wait until the "meat of the school semester" is over to work on it. Trust me, I'm doing a lot of thinking in the mean time about whether or not that's something I'm willing to do.

I Want It.Need It.Gotta Have It.

2009-10-08T22:05:00.000-05:00

I feel like I start every post saying this, but you ladies and your encouraging words of support and advice absolutely make my day! I love each and every one of you. I love that you say what I need to hear, even when you feel like you're being harsh. Hey, I need "harsh" right now! So thank you, from the bottom of my blog-lovin' heart.

I wanted to do a TMI Thursday post today, but work was cah-razy and I didn't get a chance to devote the time you need for a truly gross-tastic TMIT post.

So, I'm gonna do a mini-tmi and say:

I need to have sex.

Like, really. Is it wrong to just come out and say it like that? I feel like we're friends now and I can say these things.

ADE was my first sexy-time partner (you're probably thinking, how sad) but we had really awesome, amazing sex for a really long time, I never had to wonder when the next bang bang sesh was coming. And I've never gone longer than a week, and that was just once.

Ladies, we are approaching a month now. And it's all.I.can.think.about.

I feel like a pervy perv and I'll probably regret this post tomorrow. But hey, a girl has needs!

I swear I'm a tad Bipolar

2009-10-06T18:56:00.002-05:00

Hello all! Has it really been a week since I've blogged? You must have missed me! :) I think that's just me, missing all of you! Life has been hectic and I didn't realize how much I miss all of you!

An update on ADE? I thought you'd never ask. Or maybe I just really need to vent. Last Thursday, he said he was moving back, if I would have him. He said he feels like he belongs here, but we have things to work on (I agree). Fast forward to Saturday - We're broken up, technically. He's "happy being single, doesn't miss me, doesn't want to be with me". But the minute I stopped calling/emailing him, he starts calling and emailing me. I've tried to be "aloof" and let him see what this space he wants really feels like. It kind of feels like it's working. Yesterday he emailed me - "I'm having trouble not missing you". Today he told me "once school is done I hope we can see about us".

That totally pisses me off. Once school is done? Okay, mister, I understand school is stressing you out. But do I really want to be with a guy who can't handle school and me at the same time? He says he has no spare time, but he has time to hang out with his roommates now. I feel like all I need is a few hours a week, I can be the understanding girlfriend who knows that school is a priority. If his excuse is school, why does he have time to spend with them, but wouldn't have it for me?! I mean, if I'm thinking about spending a lifetime with him, I'm pretty sure life is going to throw us some curveballs that are harder to handle than SCHOOL.

So now I don't know what I'm going to do once he decides he wants me back, because it's obvious he will. I want him, I miss him, but do I want to be disposable? I need to express to him that this is just not okay. I'm either worth it or not.

It's the Surprise!

2009-09-29T19:49:00.001-05:00

Ok, I promised you a special announcement today, and I am here to deliver!

Some of you may not be as STOKED as I am about this, but I know that some of you will love it, so, without further ado...

Lil Woman and I have bonded in many ways, but what first got us chatting was our shared love of the epic boyband, *NSYNC. As you know from my random facts about myself, I have been an *NSYNC fan for many years. Yes, I had my walls papered in their pictures back in the day, yes I made it my life goal to go to as many concerts as possible, and yes, I still harbor a deep deep love for all 5 of these boys. When Joey was on Dancing With the Stars, I voted as many times as possible, and I was outraged when he didn't win! And as you can see from my left sidebar, Justin and I have a special, lusty relationship (maybe that's just on my end).

SO Lil Woman and I decided we are going to do everything in our power to get *NSYNC to do a lil reunion, and we decided our first step would be to start a blog (bc everything fabulous deserves a blog, right?)

Want to follow? Want to join us as we reminisce about these beautiful boys and shake our booties to some old school beats?!

You know you do!

It's Tearin' Up Our Hearts

Go on girls, jump on the bandwagon. If you don't, you'll regret it when *NSYNC has us backstage, partyin' it up at their reunion concert! ;)

ps - I've got dibs on J.C.

Here comes another week!

2009-09-28T21:51:00.001-05:00

Hi precious readers! Sorry for the lack in posting lately. I promise I've been reading all of your posts, no matter how crazy life gets I can't stay away from my Google reader! ;) You understand, no?

So let's update you on my crazy life! We'll start with the negative, although I'm going to try to make this blog more positive to make up for my depressive state last week! I saw ADE yesterday and nothing is really different. He still "doesn't know" and needs space to think. I've been sad and lonely. Wow, typing that out feels pathetic, but it's true. I hate coming home at the end of the day to an empty house. But, I've decided to be strong and do some thinking of my own while he's taking his precious time. He wants to go on a date this weekend, and you know I'll give you all the deets on that little adventure! It's kind of at a stand still other than that.

Moving on to the good, the better and the best!

Good: I got a pair of fake lashes at Mac this weekend. Never thought I'd like fake eyelashes but I am in l-o-v-e. I've always envied those girls with the gorgeous long lashes and with $13 and a trip to Mac I can now sport some faboosh eyelashes.

{um, I don't have the energy to crop, but biggefy to admire!}

Better: My little sister came to spend the weekend with me. There is nothing like some ol' fashioned sista fun to lift a girl's spirits! We shopped, we watched Gossip Girl, we had dance parties, we played Wii fit and laughed our butts off doing the balance games, and I finally got to see The Proposal. LOVED our weekend!

Best: (not to overshadow my time with the sis) but I have BIG NEWS to share with you lovely ladies (and gents?) ... I was going to announce it tonight but I think it deserves its own post! So tune in tomorrow. I just know you're gonna love it!

Big Hugs,

Jen

ps - thank you all so so so much for your comments, support, and just generally making me smile over the past week or so! ugh, I love you so much! MWAH!

Apparently, I give good blog!

2009-09-25T00:13:00.000-05:00

First of all, I gotta go all sappy on you and say thank you, thank you a million times for your sweet comments. Words can not express how much each and every one of your comments lifted my mood. I'm going through a hard time, and I am so thankful to you all for "listening" to me and being there for me. This blogging world is beyond amazing!

(and btw, I promise to try to comment more on your blogs. I've obvi been distracted and a little sad, but I promise I'm reading and enjoying every post!)

AND I promise to try really hard to be more upbeat!

Something upbeat? I got my second blog award. It totes gives me a big head when I get awards, is that bad? Oh well, I'm going to enjoy the praise!

One of my fav bloggers, Amanda at Cheap Wine and Cookies gave me the "I Give Good Blog" award. Her blog is honest and funny and just downright fun to read! And she's a totally tough, yet super sweet lady! THANKS Amanda for the award!

No rules with this award. Which is good because I'm exhausted! So I'm going to pass this little nugget of praise on to 5 of my fave blogs:

life is BANANAS

Little Woman, Little Home

My Name is Taylor

Dara On the Hunt

I'll Go Eat Worms

Ok, it's off to bed for me. I'll post an update on the ADE sitch tomorrow. Bye lovelies!

Is anybody out there?

2009-09-24T00:20:00.000-05:00

Well my ladies, ADE is coming with his buddy S to get about 90% of his ish from our apartment. Tomorrow while I'm at work. Then he is coming back tomorrow night and we are going to talk about our relationship.

Here is a brief summary which I'll be sure to elaborate upon later (in bullets cuz my brain is dead right now):

He has paid S a month's rent.
He says after that, "we'll see"
I say bullshit to that
He says he loves me and this is more about school than anything
Basically he gets stressed really easily, and it is a lot easier for him to live with S than with me b/c of school
I said, Am I not more important than school?
He said, it's not that simple
He doesn't want to permanently break up
Basically he wants to leave for a month, give or take, then possibly come back
Am I his bitch for him to come back and forth as he pleases? - "Oh, it's too hard right now for me to live with you, but I think after I get MY shit together I can actually grow a sack and be there for you" I'm paraphrasing here, liberally
He kept talking about the one other serious relationship he's had and how they broke up for real for like 2 months and after that it was better than ever, and how that break up had nothing to do with their final break up (she cheated on him. i can see why)
He basically told me that the only way he can see us ending up together is if he moves out "for now"
He is so contradictive. He wants to leave, but he thinks we'll end up back together. He thinks this is the only way.
Some of the things he said made sense and I'm not doing it justice

There you have it. There is so much more but that's all I can think to type right now. I know with the things I've said you are all going to probably hate ADE, and really there's a lot to it, and I think this is probably for the best, and he's right that it's the only way we have a chance. BUT I'm still pissed and hurt and devastated and I need to rant to you sweetie pies. So this is my angry, sleep deprived post.

I can't sleep. I'm getting his shit together for him. No, I'm not pathetic. It's more selfish. See, if I leave it like it is, like he still lives here, then come home from work and it's all gone, I'll go into emotional trauma. It's easier for me to see it being packed away by my own hands. Does that make sense?

BTW - You girls have uplifted me and gotten me through these past three days and I cannot thank you enough! Seriously, my cup overfloweth with love for you all, my rocks. Much love.

I need to sleep, but there's no way that's happening. Is anybody awake?

Problems With the Relaysh

2009-09-22T09:17:00.001-05:00

I've debated with myself whether or not to blog about this because it's kind of personal, and really emotional. But then I realized, in the few short weeks I've had this blog you all have been so supportive and kind and non-judgemental, why would I not share it?

Saturday there was some tension between ADE and I. Actually, I had been noticing some tension from him for a little over a week. He had been acting like he just didn't want to be home with me, didn't want to spend quality time with me, etc. I thought maybe it was just school starting back up and he was stressed.

Saturday, I finally got the idea maybe it wasn't just school, so I blurted out, "Do you not wanna be with me anymore?!" I don't know what I was expecting him to say. It's kind of a weird question to ask, but if you could see how he was acting it would make more sense.

He basically told me that he doesn't know anymore, that he's found himself not wanting to come home after his school days are over. (He goes to school about an hour away, 3 days a week). He said he feels smothered.

What.the.hell?? I was obviously thrown for a loop. ADE and I are not perfect, we've "broken up" once before about 8 months ago, but it didn't last too long. And after we got back together back then, things were golden. We started talking about marriage, but more importantly about me moving to Maine with him. This is a big deal because I've grown up in Arkansas, all my family is here, and I never really planned on leaving. But I LOVE him with every fiber of my being, and Maine is in his heart, so I jumped into this plan with both feet first. He was excited, his "daydreams about Maine were sweeter since I became a part of them" etc. etc. He adored me, he was high on me, he would fall apart if I ever left him.

Get the picture? We were that schmoopy-goopy couple everybody hates but secretly wants to be. Don't get me wrong, we still had our ups and downs, but we were ridiculously in love and we worked through the downs as partners, making our relationship better with each little fight.

So back to me, being thrown, for a loop. He said he had been thinking for a few days about moving into his friend S's house, who lives in the same town ADE goes to school in. He stays with S sometimes when he has school the next day, they are really good friends. I like S. But do I want ADE to leave me and go live an hour away with S? Hell no.

ADE says he isn't sure anymore if we are supposed to be together, that he doesn't want to marry me or drag me to Maine away from my family and it not work out. He wants to be sure. Ha. Well. I want him to be sure too, funny thing is, I was under the impression he already was.

I pointed out all the things he had said about loving me and knowing he would spend his life with me and asked if he meant a goddamn bit of it. He said he DOES love me, and he did mean it when he said he never wanted to lose me, but now it's different. He feels different.

So Sunday ADE went to stay with S. For now, he just took a few of his essentials (clothes, bathroom stuff). He said he is leaning toward not wanting to break up, but that he needs time away from me, where we aren't "hovering" over each other, to think clearly about it. He said he doesn't want to break up, but he needs to do what makes him happy. He said he loves me, he'll always love me. He needs time to think about what needs to change if we stay together and to make sure I'm the one he wants to be with forever.

I've been reeling for the past few days. I've cried, so much. We're talking gut-wrenching sobs, laying in the shower for 30 minutes letting the hot water wash away my continuous flow of tears (that was when ADE was still home and I needed to cry without him seeing). He came to the bathroom door and asked if I was okay, if I was hurting myself. WTF? I love you, but I'm not gonna self-mutilate over you. Just let me cry.

I'm sorry this is such a long post. I needed to talk it out. I feel alone. I'm so used to him being here. Most of my besties live 3 hours away. I feel really alone. I come home to my cat and I cry. Then I calm down, blog, watch tv. The worst is when I get into bed and realize I can sleep on his side, realize he's not gonna come climb in next to me and wrap his arms around me, realize he's not there in the morning to kiss goodbye when I leave for work.

I think we'll be okay, which is why I hesitated to write this post at all, but I felt like I needed to be honest about what's going on. And there's the possibility we won't make it, which means there's the possibility he makes a big mistake (I really don't know what the hell he is thinking). I can't imagine what I'll do if he decides to fully move out. I honestly can't picture it. He's coming back Thursday and we're going to talk. He's called a couple of times to check on me, which only makes it worse and slightly pisses me off.

When I feel like I have the past few days, I just want to go to sleep and never wake up, so the hollow numbing pain will disappear.

*promise I'm not suicidal*

Random ADE - Vol. 1

2009-09-21T11:45:00.001-05:00

Laying in bed one night with ADE. I had a bit of coffee about an hour before bed, so I was runnin' my mouth about anything and everything while ADE was clearly trying to slip off to sleep.

ADE: You know how sometimes, you're taking a poop, and it's a really long poop, but you pinch it off?...

Me: *giggles* Yeah?

ADE: Maybe sometimes, you should do that with conversation.

Me: ...... You're weird, but I'll shut up.

You see, my boyfriend is random, and he says some funny random shit. Hence the series: Random ADE. Stay tuned for more awkward and/or funny moments created by ADE.

Crappy Day but I Got My First Award!

2009-09-20T11:31:00.002-05:00

Hello lovelies! I hope you are all having a fantabulous weekend! Me: not so much... kinda having a crappy day... which I will elaborate on as soon as I figure out what the HELL is going on.

BUT on a much brighter note, in the midst of my turmoil this afternoon I logged onto my blog and discovered I have gotten my very first blog award! Totally put a smile on my face when I didn't think that was possible today (or really any time soon).

Lil' Woman over at Little Woman, Little Home gave me this award and I must say her blog is one of my new very favorites. She is so honest and hilarious, it is def a must-read! So check her out!

So, here are the rules:
1.) Thank the person who gave this to you!
2.) Copy the logo and place it in your blog! (check!)
3.) Link the person who nominated you!
4.) Name 7 things about yourself that no one would really know.
5.) Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6.) Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7.) Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them!

7 things you may not know about me:

1. I'm allergic to Slimfast, seriously, my throat closes up when I drink it.

2. I eat ketchup in my Mac 'n' Cheese (it's GOOD y'all)

3. For 3 years of my adolescence my bedroom walls were covered, floor to ceiling, with *NSYNC posters. I have a trunk full of *NSYNC memorabilia. I went to 4 concerts, won front row tickets to one (won a trivia contest), and got to go to a soundcheck at another concert.

4. I get carsick a lot. I've even gotten nauseous from driving once or twice.

5. I'm clumsy like whoa. I'll fall down for no apparent reason.

6. I wanna throw up when people refer to a penis as a "member".

7. I tend to be a little dramatic and I cry at anything.

And now to pass this little beauty on to some of you! I picked 7 of the first followers/commenters I had here on my blog! Love all of these ladies and their blogs! :)

Cheap Wine and Cookies

Sole Matters

How To Survive Life in the Suburbs

Llama Tales

Living in France

Girl From Mih-Nee-Soo-Tah

It's Unbeweavable

I'm pretty sure some of you fabulous ladies have probably already gotten this award... But I appreciate your support from the very beginning of this blog, more than you know! Don't feel obligated to do it again (obvi).

The One Where I Ruin the Surprise

2009-09-17T23:00:00.001-05:00

I love buying Cosmo magazines. Every time I see the newest one on the rack I simply must have it. ADE thinks they're pointless and a waste of money (they are a little more than the usual mag) but I don't care! Well when I noticed this month's issue a few days ago at Wal-mart I instinctively bent down to grab it and add it to the cart.

"We're trying to save money, do you really need that?" ADE said with a disapproving look on his face.

He also wouldn't let me buy the glass bowl with a lid that was shaped like a pumpkin and only $5. Even after I explained that I didn't have any fall decorations. He doesn't get it.

"Yes, I do." I replied. "It's the new issue, I don't have this one." He really doesn't get it.

"Jen, come on... you can read that stuff online."

I sighed and put the magazine back, staring wistfully at it as we checked out with all the things we "needed."

***Flash forward to today. I'm home sick from work and ADE is at Wal-mart getting his car battery fixed. He calls me:

"Hey, hang tight at home and I'll bring you a surprise." He says sweetly.

"Really?!" I love surprises.

"Yeah, I'll be home as soon as my car's done."

-3 minutes later he calls back-

"When's the last time you bought a magazine?" He asks casually.

I hesitate. "Well, I bought an US Weekly today when I went to get tampons." I left out the part where I was fully intending to buy Cosmo, which costs twice as much. The only reason I didn't get it is I didn't see one within arms reach of the check out line I was in.

"Okay, so you already have a magazine."

I know where he's going with this. He wants to get me a Cosmo. I want him to get me one.

"Yes, but it's a little magazine. I still don't have the Cosmo I saw the other day." I say in a sly voice.

"Jen, I'm trying to surprise you!" He says, frustrated.

"It's okay, it'll still be a really big surprise!"

ADE laughs, "Okay fine, it'll be a really big surprise."

TMI Thursday: I shit my pants

2009-09-17T12:16:00.002-05:00

This is my first time to do a TMI Thursday... I'm scared you're all going to judge me. Okay, that's not true, I'm not. I'm actually pretty flippin excited to participate in this display of all things gross and hilarious that you might not normally talk about... ever.

Find more TMI Thursday posts over at LiLu 's blog.

So a couple weeks ago I was chillin out on the couch, watching trashy tv and blogging, natch. ADE was in the bedroom working on some things for school. All was well in our humble abode. ALL OF A SUDDEN out of nowhere, I feel the telltale rumbly in my tumbly. I'm thinking, "Gah, seriously, I have to poop again?" (it had been one of those days where I had pooped like 3 or 4 times already but NOT diarrhea). Since I didn't think I had diarrhea I took my time peeling myself off the couch, finished reading whatever fabulous post had my attention.

Oh, my body had different plans. A stronger, more persistent rumbly ripple through my lower abdomen. Shit! I flew off that couch, realizing this was no ordinary rumbly. I did the awkward cheeks-clenched-legs-together "run" towards the bathroom and on the way I felt it... the horrifying loss of control you never ever wanna feel down there. I made it to the bathroom before the explosion fully detonated and you guess it: I had shit my pants. Just a little. But when it's *ahem* runny, a little bit goes a long way. I finished my reign on the porcelain throne, took a shower to clean up, and did the walk of shame out of the bathroom about 20 minutes later.

ADE stuck his head out of the bedroom and said, "Are you pissed off at me for something I don't know about?"

"No," I replied, shame-faced. "Why would you think that?!"

"You were stomping around really fast out here."

"No, I had a little bathroom incident, I was trying to get there really fast."

"Ohhh.... it's okay, baby, it happens to everyone."

I refused to discuss the issue further with him and went outside to call my mom and get some mama-sympathy.

-----------------------------------------

There you have it! Was that TMI enough? Do you still love me?

Early Morning Drama

2009-09-15T13:19:00.000-05:00

Today is one of those days. Had to drag myself out of bed to go to work, it was raining and that just makes me want to stay in my nice cozy bed. ADE and I got into a stupid fight this morning too. Y'all, I am NOT a morning person, I'm PMSing in the worst way and that my friends is a recipe for disaster in itself.

ADE and I are both "passionate" people, to put it nicely, and when we fight, we fight. We love each other deeply, don't get me wrong. As a result of that, our fights usually involve yelling and tears. I'm a crier, it doesn't take much to get the tears a-rollin'. We fought and made up all before I went to work (with red puffy eyes).

In my opinion, it's a mark of a meaningful relationship when you can fight and make up, and fighting is a sign of how much you care about each other. I have friends who claim they never fight with their significant other, and I'm like, really?! Do you not give a crap?

Anyway, we're fine now, he's at the store buying me tampons (haha) what a good boyfriend. I'm home for lunch and seriously thinking about going back to work for a little bit, calling it a day early and coming home to crawl under my covers and sleep the rainy afternoon away. I have nothing to do at work anyway, so I think it's a pretty good plan, no?

On a brighter note, reading all of your posts always puts a smile on my face! Just thought I'd let ya know, lovelies!

{where i want to be...}

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Milla the Killa, He's a Thrilla in Manila

2009-09-14T12:00:00.003-05:00

Yes, I actually "rap" that little phrase (in the title) to my poor cat, Miller.

Maybe that's why he is a violent, sociopath, bipolar, ADHD, freak cat.

I've had Miller (or Mills as I fondly call him) for a little over a year. He was a sweet sweet baby kitten. He potty trained so fast and he was always wanting to cuddle up and nap.

A few months down the road, and he started showing some less than desirable behavior patterns. Like, attacking you as you'd walk by. Biting you out of nowhere. Oh, but it was just the beginning.

I had bitch roommates who wouldn't let me keep him, so about 4 months after I got him he went to live with Mama in Chickendale. This was temporary. He was there about 3 1/2 months. Mildred and Blondie fell in love and he was a well loved kitty cat. He still bit, he still randomly attacked. Blondie has a scar on her nose to prove it. BUT, he's not as mean as he sounds. He has those sweet moments where he cuddles and makes you forget all about the scars you have all over your bruised and bleeding body.

My mom is seriously a neat freak so he lived in a cleaner environment and she basically crate trained him. I had started making him sleep in his pet carrier because he would attack me in my sleep or just run around my bedroom raising hell when I tried to sleep at night. So to add to his already freaky personality, he is one of the world's only crate trained cats. He sleeps in there and rarely makes a fuss of it.

Now, he has been back with me for about 9 months. He still bites, he still does his sneak attacks. When he's in "killer mode" his eyes get huge, like his pupils expand to take up his whole eye and they're BLACK. Talk about scary shit.

Seriously, if I could describe it, I would use the example of a snake striking someone. He'll sneak up on you while you're just sitting there, minding your biddness. And he'll STRIKE you, punch you hard with his sharp little kitty teeth and literally leave a bruise and induce bleeding. Then he'll run away before you can even finish letting out your scream of agony.

The fact that he runs away shows that he knows what he's doing. He absolutely knows.

30 minutes later, he'll come up to you, purring, and lay down. Totally different cat.

WHY does he attack us? He doesn't do this to strangers. Just me, my seesters, my Mama, and of course ADE. Mostly myself and ADE. We are sweet to him, he is loved, well-fed, and has plenty of fake mouse toys to torment. Why does he turn on us?

Sometimes, if ADE and I are taking a nap during the day and Mills makes his way into our room... if he's in killer mode, he will literally stalk us where we are both laying in the fetal position in the middle of the bed, full covered up to our necks so there are no vulnerable appendages out there for him to attack. We become prisoners in our own home.

If he didn't have his sweet (or should I say normal) behavior, I would have gotten rid of him, pawned him off on some sucker who didn't know better.

But, I love him.

Is there a Cat Whisperer out there? I'm at a loss.

A Little Background Story

2009-09-11T15:00:00.001-05:00

I told you I'd elaborate on why I chose to start a more anonymous blog, so here goes!

I feel the need to explain why I chose to start this blog and remain anonymous from my IRL loved ones (aside from ADE).

Growing up, my family always went to church. Sure, we missed a Sunday every now and then. My dad wasn't a preacher, we never prayed before meals unless it was a holiday, and my parents weren't strict. But, church was just always part of our lives.

In my teen years, I loved going to church because all my good friends were there and we had lots of fun youth activities. My first "love" was a boy a year older than me, who I went to church with. He was very religious. He was judgey. He was strict. I was in a controlling relationship and I thought it was okay. I don't know why I did. My parents didn't set that example for me. My dad is the opposite of controlling. I remember my mom and dad begging me not to be with this boy because he was changing who I was. He even convinced me to "disown" some of my CHURCH friends because they "did immoral things I shouldn't associate with". OMG. I am ashamed just remembering it! Anyway, he broke my heart when I was almost 18 and I am SO glad he did.

I ended up going to a Christian-affiliated college and I made some really awesome friends. There were rules at this school that were just plain ridic. Like, no boys in the girls dorm room, no staying out past midnight. Mommy has to call if you wanna stay at a friend's off-campus on a school night. Yeesh. You couldn't live off campus until you were 22. You were kicked out if you had sex or drank alcohol (or got caught) I didn't drink much, I had my first drink at 19.

After I graduated, I moved off-campus with my three girlfriends who were still in school there but finally old enough to move off-campus. We went a little crazy. It happens when you've been repressed for years! I lost my virginity that summer (to ADE). I made up for all the years I never took a sip of alcohol.

I fell in love with ADE, who is agnostic. Long before I met him I started questioning all the religious rules and boundaries I believed in. He gave me the courage to finally recognize I only believed these things because I'd heard them since I was a baby. I started wanting to figure things out for ME, and believe whatever I chose to believe because it was right, for ME.

So, to sum it up. I have friends and family who still remember the devout, innocent, very religious me from my younger years. The "me" that wasn't really me. They are not judgemental people in the worst sense of the word.

But I know they'd have a thing or two to say if they knew that I have the dirty sex, I live with the dirty sex giver, I smoke, and I don't go to church.

I wanted a blog where I could talk about my life. My life that I am not ashamed of. I still believe in God, it's just different. I'm not promiscous, I just do what's natural with the man I love. I smoke (okay, a little ashamed on that one, need to quit).

So, there it is. There's all the reasons why I feel so free, and why I'm thankful for y'all, the lovelies who read this. Thanks for listening!

Boyfriends and Boogers

2009-09-11T08:00:00.002-05:00

I have two sisters. No brothers. A very quiet daddy who only rarely teased or tormented us like boys do. My Mama, sisters and I pretty much ruled the roost. That being said: this living with a boy thing is taking some getting used to!

ADE and I have lived together about 4 and a 1/2 months. DEF an adjustment!

I'm getting used to dirty socks everywhere and the spills, oh, the spills!

Last night, while I was fixing the din din, ADE happened to be in the kitchen with me. Suddenly, he goes, "I have a booger that I'm gonna wipe on you."

Before I have time to appropriately react by running the eff away, he grabs my face, pulls me to him, and wipes his nose on the side of my face. SERIOUSLY?! Seriously.

Boys are gross.

{ It was like this... minus the kiss, add a boog }

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I'm Free!

2009-09-10T16:33:00.000-05:00

Here it is - my first post! I'm not entirely new to this fab bloggy world but I feel like I am in a way. I started my first blog a long time ago but I made the mistake of making it known to my family and friends. BIG mistake. I found myself not really wanting to blog because I couldn't be honest. I couldn't share about any of the things most important to me, and I'll explain why very soon.

For now, I'm going to work on making this blog a home and on making my presence known. I've been reading so many fantastic inspiring blogs for so many months. I feel like I've been hiding in the shadows, not "following", not commenting. Maybe because my "old" blog wasn't something I felt proud of. It wasn't me.

{ via weheartit }

Here's to new beginnings!

Stick with me - I think this is gonna be fun!